It’s not uncommon to be walking around and engaging in everyday life with various unresolved feelings lying dormant. We have experiences that affect us in different ways and when left unaddressed, they set up tent and make a nice little home in our subconscious; just waiting for a chance – a similar situation or a quiet moment – to remind us of their existence.
One pops up and we go: “oh right…. THAT happened. Wish I could finally forget all about that.” But you can’t. Why? Because you still feel strongly about it one way or another.
“Agh it never should have happened”
“How could I have made it work out better?”
“Why why WHY did it turn out that way?”
“Maybe if I just…”
These are just some of the thoughts that plague our unresolved feelings.
The issue is that we’re way too close to the situation,whatever it is. Our perception of it is completely warped. We assume that we have total control over our life happenings and if something went askew then it was due to our incompetence or mishandling.
Sometimes we need an outsider’s perspective on things (and no, not your mom or best friend, a completely removed 3rd party). Someone who doesn’t know you or the other person/thing involved and frankly doesn’t care on way or another.
When this removed person looks at the situation with all of their unbiased wisdom, what do they see? What is true and what have we created in our mind? What was due to hubris and what was an honest mistake? And if it was simply a mistake and you feels so torn up about it, do you believe that you’re never allowed to make mistakes? That’s simply unrealistic – not to mention a very limited way to approach life.
Yes, you can try your best. No, you will not always succeed. No, you cannot control every outcome.
A lot of the time it’s simply out of our control, and to God’s (or the Universe’s) credit, it’s often to our benefit down the road anyway.
So, something happened that you didn’t want or didn’t foresee or never would have imagined in your wildest dreams. Guess what? It already happened. So you don’t need to keep reliving it. It’s Over.
We’re now in the present.
I like to say this to my mom when she gets mad at me for not doing something she asked of me or something she believes I should have done (I really dislike the word should). I’ll listen to her disappointment (either in the form of a snide side comment or angry yelling, depending on her mood) and I’ll calmly say “okay. Well, I didn’t do xyz. We can’t do anything about that now. Now that we’re here in the present, what would you like me to do?”
Remind yourself of Now. Here. Current.
What can you do to move forward? You can’t do anything about what has already happened. You can, however, decide to do things that will positively affect the future.
Forget about fantasies of closure, reconciliation, explanation, and apologies. Seriously. Forget them. They’re just devices determined to keep you focused on the past and distracted from your glittering future.
Ever notice that the more your focus on your past failings, the more miserable you feel? And the more miserable you feel, the less energy you have to devote to positive feelings and productive outlets. Happiness is not automatic. It takes intention. It won’t come to you while you’re entertaining negative thoughts.
God (whatever form you believe him to take) closed that door that you keep thinking of. He closed it and told you to move on. It wasn’t meant to be. How do I know? Because it’s not currently happening to you. If it was meant to be, it would be.
Expand your mind. Expand your idea of perfect. Expect more and go look for it. You deserve it, so go get it.