It was just past 2pm on a Tuesday in late summer, and the crowd walking onto the Southwest flight from Baltimore to LAX was a mix of majorly White-American families and middle-aged singles. I had forgotten to check-in for my flight 24 hours prior, as recommended, so my C-36 position self had the high-esteemed luxury of taking my pick of the remaining middle seats that no one ever wants on the mostly full plane.
Growing up, I’ve always felt like I had to change for the people in my life – myself included – to become more this or more that in order to fit in and just feel like I belonged somewhere. From family to friends, I rarely felt good enough as is.
I’m not sure if this is something that everyone experiences while growing up or if I subconsciously sought it out and manifested it into my life, but I was stuck in a loop of always trying to please everyone else. In the process of rearranging yourself to other people’s needs, it’s easy to lose sight of yourself.
As I sit in my room typing this, I’m overwhelmed by all of the clutter in my room that I’ve been trying to sort out over the past year. By “trying to” I mean I’ve made half-ass attempts to make a plan to clean up and organize – but I generally give up before even really trying. I leave it to the ever elusive tomorrow. Just thinking about it stresses me out.
If you believe yourself unfortunate
because you have loved and lost,
perish the thought.
One who has truly loved can never lose entirely.
Love is whimsical & temperamental.
Its nature is ephemeral & transitory
It comes when it pleases and goes away
Accept and enjoy it while it remains,
but spend no time worrying about its
Worry will never bring it back.
– Napoleon Hill, Think & Grow Rich
Keep Showing Up.