It’s so hard to forgive because we think that once we forgive, we’re making ourselves vulnerable to getting hurt again.
It was just past 2pm on a Tuesday in late summer, and the crowd walking onto the Southwest flight from Baltimore to LAX was a mix of majorly White-American families and middle-aged singles. I had forgotten to check-in for my flight 24 hours prior, as recommended, so my C-36 position self had the high-esteemed luxury of taking my pick of the remaining middle seats that no one ever wants on the mostly full plane.
I now see that a lot of my neuroses has been rooted in insecurity and fear. Not feeling secure and feeling that the burden of my safety, my life happenings, my success, my joy, everything – weighed solely on my shoulders with no other help or guidance. And all of it was life or death.
Growing up, I’ve always felt like I had to change for the people in my life – myself included – to become more this or more that in order to fit in and just feel like I belonged somewhere. From family to friends, I rarely felt good enough as is.
I’m not sure if this is something that everyone experiences while growing up or if I subconsciously sought it out and manifested it into my life, but I was stuck in a loop of always trying to please everyone else. In the process of rearranging yourself to other people’s needs, it’s easy to lose sight of yourself.
If you believe yourself unfortunate
because you have loved and lost,
perish the thought.
One who has truly loved can never lose entirely.
Love is whimsical & temperamental.
Its nature is ephemeral & transitory
It comes when it pleases and goes away
Accept and enjoy it while it remains,
but spend no time worrying about its
Worry will never bring it back.
– Napoleon Hill, Think & Grow Rich
(photo source: visual-poetry.tumblr.com)
“If I’m not the one for you, you gotta stop holding me the way you do.”
– Adele, Water under the bridge
Love is an amazing thing. It’s said to have the ability to change our brain chemistry. We get hooked on love like a drug addict and latch on to our lover for dear life. Like we need them more than food, water, and air. They become our source of happiness and meaning.
It took me a while to get here but I think I finally understand… some people just aren’t bangin’ with you. You’re just not chillin’ on the same wavelength and that’s okay.
You’re not meant to.
I’ve started becoming borderline obsessed with detoxing and cleansing. I’ve long been a fan of holistic health (thanks to my mom) but I have recently happened upon the idea that I can cure my pesky adult acne by making some dietary changes and lifestyle changes.
While altering my diet for one week straight and being THAT person at brunch who doesn’t drink the mimosas and asks the waiter if they have whole wheat bread, I started to think of the other beneficial kind of detox. Not the one that benefits our physical being, but the one that benefits our minds and mental well-being.
“It feels like work because it’s going to be work. If you and I move forward together it’s – It’s harder to love somebody than to walk away from them.
And this is messy and scary and – God! It scares the life out of me.”
– Amelia to Hunt, Grey’s Anatomy
Episode 12:21 “You’re gonna Need Someone on Your Side”
“People get scared when you try to do something, especially when it looks like you’re succeeding. People do not get scared when you’re failing. It calms them.
… but when you’re winning it makes them feel like they’re losing, or worse yet, that maybe they should’ve tried to something too but now it’s too late. And since they didn’t, they want to stop you.
You can’t let them.”
– Mindy Kaling, Why Not Me?